you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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