I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
