Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
