And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And then the night went full on bisexual.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
