i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
not ubering you a puppy
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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