Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
