u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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