3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
