At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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