Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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