I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
