we're blogging at a bar
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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