I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
