ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
