why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You need a sexual gate keeper
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
