We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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