Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
