theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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