She announced her abortion via fbk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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