If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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