dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
