Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
