what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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