Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
