I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
