im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
