Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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