my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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