Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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