hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
