Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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