i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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