my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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