Just cropdusted the office
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
