I looked at my own cervix.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Randomize
