i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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