She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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