You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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