Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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