in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
