I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
did i walk over a car last night?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
