I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
