Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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