My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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