I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
