I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
