He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
