He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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