He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
