What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
