i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
