Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
