Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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