seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
