I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
