Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
