And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
