please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i will never coherently bang her
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
