U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
