If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
