just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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