Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
