I wanna passion pit in your ass
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
