Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
