I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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